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| Fantasy Football Friday | | Print | |
| Written by TFP |
| Saturday, 12 December 2009 02:06 |
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Tip #1 / Don't draft a kicker in the 12th round, if at all. What do Vernon Davis, Sidney Rice, Miles Austin and Percy Harvin have in common? They were all taken after Round 12 in this here league. Shouldn't you have used your last four draft picks trying to hit the lottery rather than securing the services of Neil Rackers or John Kasay? Tip #2 / Don't overvalue good wide receivers who play with horrible or suspect quarterbacks. Remember when Steve Smith 1.0 was a Top 5 WR? Or when Calvin Johnson was going in the late first or early second round? Braylon Edwards? Terrell Owens? Antonio Bryant? They all play for teams with sub-par quarterbacks and they've all fallen way short of their preseason projections. Remember when Randy Moss disappeared for two years in Oakland? Who was his quarterback? Kerry Collins. Let's move on. Tip #3 / Don't get drunk at the draft. Nothing good can come from this, unless of course you blacked out on blended Canadian whiskey but somehow ended up with Brett Favre, Joseph Addai, Thomas Jones, Brandon Marshall, Donald Driver, Robert Meachem, Visanthe Shiancoe and the Saints defense, a team that earned you ridicule Week One and a bye in Week 14. The lesson: Nobody knows shit. Now, how about we gnaw on some picks, eh?
Last Week: 4-2 Season: 37-29
Trader Dave (8-5) vs. Team Timmy (7-6) Timmy begins the week in a deep hole because Big Ben and Rashard Mendenhall combined for just six points against the lowly Browns Thursday night. No matter, we were going to pick Trader Dave anyway (wink, wink). With Mark Sanchez out, we're kinda digging Tommy Lee Jones (@TB) and Greg Jennings (@CHI). Yeah, yeah, we fall in love with Jennings every week but keep in mind his line last time out against the Bears (6 grabs, 106 yards and a TD). Trader Dave 56, Team Timmy 49.
Pastor Steve (7-6) vs. Pastor Jon (7-6) The Rogue Guido dodged the injury bug this week when it was announced that Brady (vs CAR) would play Sunday despite a bum [insert body part] and DeSean Jackson (@NYG) appears to be fine after after getting his cage rattled against the Falcons. That said, we don't like his running back situation (Jacobs vs PHI and Forte vs GB) and it's hard to put much stock in a team that starts Oakland on defense. DeAngelo Williams (@NE) is returning to the starting lineup for the Panthers and Ray Rice (vs DET) should bounce back nicely following his worst game of the season Monday against the Packers. Who's Johnny, she said, and smiled in her special way. Johnny, she said, I know I love you. El Debarge, ladies and gentlemen. Pastor Jon 71, Pastor Steve 60.
Pastor Kirk (8-5) vs. Little Sowers (6-7) These two teams couldn't be more different. Kirk is riding a five-game win streak that pushed him to the regular season championship and the No. 1 seed. Little Sowers, meanwhile, has lost five of six games and limps into the playoffs at 6-7. Hard not to like the hot team in this one. Who knew that Jamaal Charles (vs BUF) and Robert Meachem (@ATL) would be playoff difference-makers? Kirk did. Pastor Kirk 74, Little Sowers 59.
TFP (8-5) vs. Pastor Mike (6-7) The No. 2 seed should be very nervous this week. Jay Cutler (vs GB) Joe Addai (vs DEN), MJD (vs MIA), and Vernon Davis (vs AZ) are all certified sexy matchups. Plus, when you factor in the completely opposite pedigrees of the two teams (Mike has two titles, TFP hasn't made it past the second round of the playoffs, like, ever), there's good reason to believe in the upset. Pastor Mike 83, TFP 58.
Good luck, fellas. Here's a Random Song Worth Your Time.
We'll leave you with a "Jersey Shore" Quote of the Week. This week's comes from Snooki, who is dumber than a pancake. In rationalizing why she made out with "The Situation" (picture above, right) in the hot tub, she said. "Mike can be a nice guy. He shows his good side and then he shows off his jerkoff side. Tha't what I like a good guy and a jerkoff. It's all the same."
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Welcome to the playoffs! Well, it's not all happy times in fantasy land. For every eight of you who are prepping for your first-round opponent, there are four of you who turn the channel everytime Matthew Berry appears on your television. OK, we all do that. But seriously, because we editors are such swell guys, here are some 2010 draft tips to help the less-fortunate be less-crappy next season.
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