Last night's episode of "Top Chef: Las Vegas" was all about our favorite things: pigs, pinot noir, and punchy peers.

Restaurateur and cool cat Charlie Palmer descended on Top Chef Kitchen to test the chefs' ability to pair food, first with snack chips and later with wine. But before Palmer announced the Quickfire Challenge, we learned that both Voltaggio brothers worked for Palmer at various stages of their careers (awkward!). Palmer hired Bryan as an intern right out of culinary school and the two spent 10 years together before Bryan went off on his own. And Michael spent over a year with Palmer as his executive chef. Lots of pressure for Top Chef's brooding brothers.

For the Quickfire, the chefs had to throw together a dish that incorporated Alexia Crunchy Snacks (made from real vegetables and available in six flavors, including savory seasoned onion strips, jalapeno onion strips, cheddar waffle fries, bold & spicy bbq waffle fries and classic ranch waffle fries... ask for them by name at your local grocery!). This kinda felt like an Eli showcase from the start. After all, who knows more about snacks than a pudgy 25-year-old foodie who still lives in his parents' basement? He came up with a potato clam salad that Palmer called "smoky," and was awarded immunity. It was Eli's first win, and no doubt helped him feel more like a contender than a pretender. We found out in this episode that almost everyone in the house loves Eli. He's like the little brother they never had and like any younger sibling takes heaving amounts of shit from his peers, especially the alpha males. If you get a chance, watch the outtakes (which are mixed into the commercial breaks) from last night's episode, particularly the one that shows the chefs waiting for the judges to off somebody. Hilarious.

Palmer also liked Kevin's confit tomato salad with onion chips (a slant on green bean casserole) and his Jedi apprentice Bryan's seared rib eye with onion chips. Brother Michael's tuna tartar got no love, sending him to the corner arms folded to pout oh so predictably. What about those who failed? Robin bombed on her parfait with corn panna cotta and jalapeno chips, Ash's chilled cucumber avocado soup with barbecue chip was met with a "Meh," and surprisingly, Jen overcooked her chops. It's hard to see Jen in the Bottom of any challenge because a) she's really, really good; and b) she's extremely hard on herself.

Back at the house, another episode of "Everybody Hates Robin" broke out starring proud as a peacock Eli, who didn't care for Robin hovering over him while he sauteed some scallops for family dinner (and in this family, the kids eat scallops directly out of the pan). When she swooped in to clean his cooking area, Eli snapped, calling her a "martyr" and telling her, "Stop it. You're not my [redacted] mother."  Robin responded with,"I'm not your mother. I would have raised you better." BAM! ZING!

It's kinda sad that all the young kids in the house beat up on the 40-ish Robin. True, she has no business still being in the competition but that's not her fault; the judges decide who stays and who goes. She thinks out loud way too much and has a bad haircut but is that enough reason to hate her? Hopefully she won't be around much longer because it's getting uncomfortable to watch and it's taking away from the actual competition.

Anyway, the next day the chefs tackled their Elimination Challenge: Pair a pork dish with a pinot noir for Palmer's Pigs & Pinot event with Food & Wine magazine. Ginger Bear Kevin went on record to say he expected to do very well in this challenge because he works with pork all the time at his restaurant in Atlanta and, OBTW, he's got a tattoo of a pig on his left arm. The Voltaggios squabbled like teenagers in the kitchen, over the use of the Gladwrap station of all things. Sheesh. Michael did root beer braised pork chops while Bryan went with braised spare ribs. There's no questioning these guys' culinary skills but the whole sibling rivalry is sooooo played out. We're really hoping one missteps soon. Of course they both ended up in the Top of the challenge, along with Jen and her perfectly cooked pork bellies (a dish Toby Young described using some crazy armpit hair analogy... apparently Jen's sauce was like a hairy armpit, but only in a good way, or something), and Kevin's awesome pork leg dish (he had visited the Oregon home of his pinot multiple times and even incorporated native hazelnuts to play off the nutty favors in the wine... our little Ginger Bear is a baller). Kevin got the win, as well as a spot as guest chef at next year's Pigs & Pinot event. Cha-ching!

It wasn't hard to figure out who was going to end up in the Bottom of this challenge. Robin seemed pretty lost with her brined center cut chop (a dish Food & Wine's Dana Cowen called "catfood"), Ash served flavorless pork tenderloin, and Laurine made a pork rillette that wasn't really a rillette. Oops. In the end, Ash simply had to go. Even nice guys can't finish in the Bottom on 14 consecutive challenges and expect to survive and advance. Hopefully he learned from his experience and interaction with the other chefs because he's got the attitude and personality to be incredibly successful. All he's missing is the confidence and flair.

So who will be the next to go? Laurine? Robin? The cream is definitely rising to the top and we're already looking forward to next week's episode.

Speaking of rising to the top, Kevin's Elimination Challenge win earned your favorite blogger 8 huge points and we now sit atop Fantasy Top Chef standings.

Editor's Note: This post also appears on RandBall.

Our original plan was to do a Steel Panther-like "Jared Allen: Behind the Mullet" bit but the production requirements were beyond our skills set. Instead, we're giving you our quick and dirty thoughts on the Vikings Pro Bowl defensive end.

We find ourselves thinking about Jared Allen a lot lately. We think about his 4 ½-sack performance against the Packers, which would have been the talk of the town if not for a graybeard quarterback bogarting all the headlines. We think about his encore in St. Louis, where he returned a fumble for a touchdown and set the pace in a lopsided win. We think about his look, which is equal parts Johnny Bravo,  Mick Foley and Hot Mess. We think about his musk, which is likely a delicate blend of peanut dust, Copenhagen, Stetson Rich Suede cologne and diesel fuel. We think about his calf-roping sack ritual, which we'd wholeheartedly despise if Allen played for any other team than our own. We think about how the Vikings stole a game-changing defensive end from the Kansas City Chiefs like horse thieves in the night. And we think about Allen’s candidacy as an NFL MVP.

But mostly, we think about how batshit crazy Jared Allen would have us all believe he is.

Minnesota has played host to its fair share of eccentrics: Bob Dylan, Prince, F. Scott Fitzgerald, T.R. Knight, Lew Ford, etc. But has the state ever boasted a more loveable loon than Allen? Let’s look at the evidence…

Allen’s aforementioned sack dance is a tribute to rodeo, a sport he intends to join after his football playing days are over.

During “Sunday Night Football” introductions, where players typically state their name, position and alma mater, Allen (who played four years at Idaho State) once said, “Jared Allen, home schooled—thanks mom!” and another time, “Jared Allen, culinary institute.”

At his Web site you can visit the “SAXY” online store, where “sleeves are optional” and you can purchase a variety of Jared Allen merchandise, including a “Mullet Mullitia” T-shirt, trucker hat, and five-inch stainless steel belt buckle.

He’s a bull-rushing quote machine, taking part in a Mayne Event here, explaining his hairstyle here, and his unabashed love for Wham here.

Jared Allen is a Pro Bowl defensive end, a nemesis to fashion, and a purveyor of dudesmanship worldwide, but we wonder is his on-field value overshadowed by his antics or has he charmed us into believing he’s better than he really is? We think it’s the former, but will listen to contrary opinions.

-SKOL-

Our national nightmare is over. The 1,000-pound, 8-foot-tall wooden statue of Hall of Fame running back Thurman Thomas that disappeared following Sunday's Bills/Browns game in Orchard Park, NY, has been found.

The statue, which looks nothing like Thurman Thomas and barely resembles a human, was apparently "liberated" by a Canadian man describes the incident as a horrible misunderstanding. Here's WGRZ-TV Buffalo's retelling of the hilarious tale (you should hit the link to see a pic of the statue).

A Canadian man tells WGRZ-TV he didn't mean to cause anyone any duress when he removed a statue of Thurman Thomas from a parking lot near Ralph Wilson Stadium following the Bills game against Cleveland this past Sunday.

The statue, standing more than 8-feet tall and estimated to weigh more than 1,000 lbs. was hewn from a tree lost to the "October Surprise" snow storm in 2006.

Carvings For A Cause, which dedicated the statue just before the game in the Erie Community College parking lot, had been searching for it since it disappeared just hours later.

The founder of the group, Therese Forton-Barnes, tells 2 On Your Side that based on a prior tip police were investigating whether the statue may have been carted off to the Cleveland, Ohio area until Monday afternoon when she received a call for a man in Welland, Ontario who told her he had the statue.

"He apologized, ...and he's very upset and sad about the whole story," Forton-Barnes said.

Speaking on the condition of anonymity, the Canadian man explained that the stadium parking lot had pretty much emptied out when he first noticed the statue as he and some friends were also preparing to leave.

"I didn't understand the significance of the statue ...I thought it might have been part of some radio station promotion that was left behind and that no one cared about," he said.

The man then said he noticed some other tailgaters who were disposing hot coals from their grills at the statue's base.

"We brushed the coals off of it and took him (the statue) home because it would have caught fire. So we didn't try and steal it, ...I like to think of us as liberating it."

The man also stated that he and his friends actually had planned to return with the statue at future games and set it up as part of their own tailgating routine.

"I'm a professional in my community and it was never my intention to steal a statue," he said.

In any case, the man claims he and two friends hoisted the statue into the back of his pick up truck (he says it didn't feel like it weighed 1,000 lbs) and proceeded to the Peace Bridge, where he says a border guard asked them the usual questions before turning his attention to the unusual cargo in the back of his truck.

He said the border guard asked what it was.

"I told him , 'it's a statue of Thurman Thomas', ...he didn't ask where we got it though and just waved us through."

It's a bittersweet moment for Minnesota sports fans. Sure, our NFL club is 5-0 and rolling over dregs like Saint Louis with the help of a 40-year-old quarterback, an all-world tailback and a trailer trash defensive end, but we're also dealing with another one-and-done postseason appearance by the Twins. While we're used to being thrashed by the Yankees, our plucky, small market, little engine that could beat itself in Games 2 and 3, leaving gaggles of men on base, making unforgiveable baserunning gaffes, striking out way too much and blowing leads--pretty much the antithesis of Twins Baseball--en route to a second-consecutive playoff sweep (8 straight playoff losses and 4 straight first-round exits). Before we focus all of our energy on the Vikings, Wolves and Golden Gophers basketball team, our Internet Friend and master blogger Michael Rand has a nice Minnesota Sports By the Numbers posting over on RandBall.  

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Speaking of that 5-0 Vikings club (beginning a brutal stretch vs BAL, @PIT and @GB this Sunday at Mall of America Field at Metrodome), Peter King apparently has forgiven Brett Favre for not giving him the exclusive on his unretirement and he's got the Purple at No. 1 in his newest Fine Fifteen. Yes, this is the first time a Brett Favre team has started 5-0 and the first time Minnesota has started the season with five wins in six years but let's not get carried away. The Vikings' wins have come against 1-4 Cleveland, 1-4 Detroit, recently exposed San Francisco (45-10 losers to Atlanta at home on Sunday), incredibly flawed Green Bay and winless St. Louis. Let's talk about where they rank among other allegedly elite teams (Indianapolis, New York Giants, New Orleans, Philadelphia, Pittsburgh, Denver, whomever) in four weeks.

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Big ups to our friend Marc who is undergoing his third round (of 4) of chemo today in the Twin Cities. Hopefully the hospital's Wi-Fi is firing on four bars and he's passing the time cruising the 'Net for ear fetish porn. Marc's prognosis is stellar and we're certain he's going to come out of this stronger than ever but please, please, please remember: If you ever feel a strange bump on your nut or your neck, get the friggin' thing checked out ASAP.